Note posted on October 29, 2021

Are you still struggling to think of scary Halloween costumes for this year, and need fast ideas? I have some suggestions.

  • An unexpected $250 medical bill you got after a routine blood test.
  • A long CVS receipt.
  • Any phone call you need to do for making an appointment or canceling a membership.
  • Senator Joe Manchin or Senator Kyrsten Sinema. Bonus points if you trick or treat with someone raising a newborn.
  • A shipment of COVID vaccines from a southern state that's unused.
  • Chewbacca.
  • A library book that's two years overdue.
  • A young person with no teeth and wrinkled skin. It's a reminder of both our fragile youth and unavoidable mortality.
  • The grim reaper. It's a similar kind of reminder above, but it lets people unable to cope with these truths stay in denial.
  • A giant Almond Joy candy bar.
  • For couples, dress as newlyweds that passive-aggressively bicker the whole night. For bonus points, act out the dawning terror of being in a horrible marriage for your friends later in the night.
  • Same as the above, but also covered in cat hair that won't come out. The cat hair is scarier since deciding the custody of pets makes the escape of divorce feel farther away.
  • A giant banana with two maracas.

Have a happy Halloween, everyone!