March 17, 2021

Is there an official job title for people who make bad things sounds good, and vice versa? For example:

  • Naming a bill ramping up government surveillance on its own citizens the "Patriot Act."
  • Labelling states that broke up labor unions as "Right to Work." The remaining states "Forced Unionization" states.
  • Saying people who face consequences are mere "victims of snowflake cancel culture."
  • Calling a health care bill without even a public option the "Affordable Care Act." But another group reverses the spin by calling it the menacing-sounding "ObamaCare."

My first guess is the title is something vague and impressive-sounding. They could be "Marketing Consultant," "Public Relations Expert," or "Mental Systems Analyst." But if we're going to keep these highly-paid people around, their names should be more honest. My top choices are:

  • Mental Pinwheel Architect
  • Society Rationalization Czar
  • Brainwashing Euphorist
  • Brain Matter Putty Plastician
  • Super Bullshit Man (must wear a foul-smelling mask and cape)

...maybe this wasn't such a good idea. I now want the job for a mere chance to use some of those names.