January 2, 2021
When I'm out and about in the city, it's easy for my mind to think "this is relaxation time, not productivity time." It's a lot harder to make that switch when the pandemic has stuck me inside on weekend nights.
It's tough to change that switch by force. Even when I'm screaming and pleading to let it ease the pressure on myself. To let myself be who I am, and not force myself into an ill-fitting "who I think I need to be."
We see lots of television and movies of people with great skill and intelligence battling tough enemies and overwhelming odds. That may be why we believe that should be our "normal" and anything below that makes us a failure. Seeing more of those in the pandemic makes this worse, and makes it harder to flip that switch.
I think unless I outright tell myself it's okay to flip the switch, I never will.